Paris Hilton's new movie The Hottie and the Nottie has a whopping grand total of $27,696 thus far. It's been out for about 3 days and here's all the math. It was on 111 screens and made $249 average. It's so far down the domestic revenue charts that I think they are about to create a chart for it.

Box Office Mojo

I'm thinking that Hollywood better step-up and take notice that Paris has had 5 "at bat" attemps and has yet to even connect with the ball.

Paris Hilton's latest film, The Hottie and the Nottie, has ranked dead last by users of IMDb.

The Hottie and the Nottie – with 2,190 low-star votes – now rests at the bottom of the IMDb user charts, even below the American Idol movie, From Justin to Kelly: With Love and Daddy Day Camp.

Four of five of the movies in which Hilton has had starring roles are ranked in IMDb's Bottom 100.

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I can't even begin to describe my strange satisfaction from everything you've just read. I feel positively...upbeat. And it gets better yet.

The Los Angeles Department of Animal Services visited the heiress' home earlier this week to investigate a complaint about her owning 17 dogs, TMZ.com reports.

By law, a non-breeder in L.A. is only allowed to own three dogs per address.

Hilton said she has so many dogs because "they keep having babies, and I feel bad about giving them away."

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One day we'll find her dead in her home after been nipped to death by a gang of tiny doggies. Oh no...I'm making myself giddy!

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Awww, this one makes me want to tear up. Looks like Paris and Nicky Hilton's lil brother Barron Hilton is all grown up.

He's been charged with DUI this morning on Malibu's Pacific Coast Highway. He was arrested at 8:30am which begs the question...Was he still drunk from the night before or starting the day off with a bang?

Update: Oh yeah, his Blood Alcohol Level was .14, which is almost twice the legal limit if you're 21. Barron is only 18 though. He also had a fake ID, ran over an attendant at a Malibu gas station, and supposedly hit some other guy's car.

Fernando (he did not want to give his last name), who works at the 76 station on Pacific Coast Highway and Corral Canyon, tells TMZ he was working as the cashier, taking inventory of the pumps when he saw Barron's car driving the wrong way on PCH. Fernando and Paul, a mechanic at the station, say they saw a grey Nissan pickup with two guys inside following Barron's Mercedes. Fernando and Paul say Barron pulled into their station and began driving wildly in circles.

Fernando says he was standing at one of the pumps when Barron's car struck his leg. Fernando says the impact threw him over the pump and caused bruises.

Fernando adds when Barron came to a stop, the two guys in a Nissan jumped out and grabbed the keys in Barron's car, so he couldn't continue driving. Fernando says the two guys told him that Barron hit their car earlier, and Fernando saw a dent on the left side of the Nissan.

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You see, having someone handle my PR like Paris Hilton does would be so cool. She has this guy named Elliot Mintz helping her to handle that stuff and just look at her amazing reputation that he's helped her create over the last few years. I can tell he's a master of his craft because it's written all over his face. You know...he's really tan for a redhead. I wonder what his secret is?

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I love how you can see Paris Hilton doing her typical "look at me" attention whore moves while 50 Cent performs onstage dance onstage during the Super Bowl weekend. She's dancing like she thinks she's the most important thing in the room. Of course 50 being the straight-up guy that he is, knew that people had come to see the concert so supposedly he had some choice words for her as in "get the f*ck off the stage."

That made poor Paris cry knowing that someone didn't give a rat's ass about her.

I just wish he would have busted a cap in her ass. Take the jump for a shot of Paris crying, which just makes me happy for some reason. It's a good day.

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Paris Hilton was caught making out with Elisha Cuthbert at the Tenjune club in New York on Tuesday night according to Us magazine. It was said that they were "all over each other." I would have thought Elisha would have better taste in women, personally...

"Who knew?" says the source of the unlikely pairing.

Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25 (who costarred in 2005's House of Wax), didn't arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. "It's Paris," says the source. "She loves putting on a show."

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Well that just completely ruins Elisha now. Not because she's into chicks or anything. I'm no Peter Brady, that's totally hot. It's because Paris probably gave Elisha herpes in that little lip exchange. Damn you Paris!

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What the heck is Harvard University thinking? The Harvard Lampoon Magazine is honoring Paris Hilton as their Woman of the Year. I'm sure it's because of her sharp mind and incredible educational background.

The celebutante, who received a GED in spite of having attended some of the country's finest schools, is expected to give an acceptance speech at the ceremony in Harvard Square on Feb. 6.

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She's a GED person? For those that don't know that stands for General Equivalency Diploma. It means she couldn't cut it in regular school. Now for many people, it's a great thing to help them out, but Paris is a rich, snotty socialite. You'd think high school would have been perfect for her to stay at for 6-8 years.

Meanwhile, that Tom Cruise (or Xenu) seems to be trying to grab Paris for his little club called Scientology. I think he's collecting early so that one day, Empress Suri has plenty of souls to feast on, but then what do I know?

Paris was seen at the Cut restaurant last night, where the Cruises spent three hours dining together after the premiere of Katie's new film Mad Money.

The trio are not known to be friends, but Hollywood's a small town, and they're sure to have crossed paths before.

In any case, it appeared to more than a coincidence that Paris was in attendance at the Cut restaurant in Beverly Hills where the world's most famous Scientologist and his young wife were dining.

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Take her! Take her! We don't want her.

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