A Scandinavian Mansion Of Style party the other night turned into a Britney Spears 26th birthday bash and she looked happy as could be about it.

Various guests were there including cousin Alli Sims, bad hair extensions, Sam Lufti, pimples, and the frumpiest looking Paris Hilton I've ever seen. Supposedly she took some dude back to her room at the end of the night too.

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Our world is such a better place with people like Paris Hilton. She's now using her new-found powers of good by working to stop problem of binge-drinking elephants in northeastern India.

Activists said a celebrity endorsement such as Hilton's was sure to raise awareness of the plight of the pachyderms that get drunk on farmers' homemade rice beer and then go on a rampage.

"The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them," the 26-year-old socialite said in a report posted on World Entertainment News Network's Web site. Her comments were picked up by other Web sites and newspapers around the globe.

Source

Hear that everyone? Stop making alcohol available to elephants. At least card them or something. She really should start at rich, pretentious socialites who drink too much and then end with elephants, but we all have to start somewhere.

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Isn't it great how Paris Hilton honors the brave men and women that serve this country?

First she was the slutty sailor on the S.S. Herpes then Alice in Whoreland and now a slutty soldier. If you talk to a veteran, they'll tell you they don't like when people wear their uniforms or make a mockery of them. This pretty much proves Paris doesn't know any veterans and she really doesn't care anyway.

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So Paris Hilton proves me wrong by not dressing like another one of the Village People, but in my defense it's still the same year so it doesn't really count (see her sailor outfit I posted yesterday).

Here she is dressed as some creepy, slutty Alice in Wonderland. If Paris wanted to really have a good costume she should dress conservative for once, similar to how she dressed when she was trying to impress the Judge in court. Now THAT was a costume!

Of course we know that will never happen.

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Paris Hilton is really wanting to get a role in the movie Dallas that's based on the popular 1980's TV show of the same name. She is pretty sure she's going to be Lucy Ewing.

"Paris is pretty eager to get into the film," one insider reveals to OK! "She's having her manager and even friends pull favors just to get her an audition." According to the insider, Paris, 26, is certain that - despite online reports that it's already been locked up by upstart actress Katie Cassidy - she owns the part of Lucy Ewing, which was played in the original series by the inimitable Charlene Tilton.

"In her mind she's already part of American royalty by being a Hilton," explains the source. "So she thinks it will be perfect casting. She's actually surprised the producers haven't thought of this themselves!"

Source

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. So did J.R. Ewing.

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