Right now, Lily Allen is locked in a slap fight with the Queen of all whatevers, Perez Hilton who's really amazing at drawing white spooge spots on people's faces with MS Paint or whatever he uses. Anyway so she posted on her MySpace:

So, I'm a little upset today, Perez Hilton is a mean man. I don't know what I did to piss him off but the last few months he has launched a bit of a tirade against me, I can understand why he'd write "MESS" across my head on a picture of me being carried out of an awards ceremony drunk out of my mind, but some things he say baffle me.

Perez had said pretty much what he always says, a bunch of negative mean stuff that he made up. He said:

And the battle is on!
It's hard to stay on top in the music industry. Just ask Lily Allen!
Lily used to be Capitol Records' "golden girl" but lately she's just been slipping. She's known these days more fore being a tragic train wreck than a musician. She knows it too. That must hurt!
And, now, it seems she's been replaced.
Replaced by none other than a Perez fad, Katy Perry, which we first introduced you to last year.
Katy also performed at our kick ass party in Austin during SXSW this past March.
Well, according to reports, a music industry insider has said, "Lily Allen is peeved at Capitol. She feels like they've shoved her aside to focus all their energies on their new girl of the moment, Katy Perry."
But the real insult, according to the source, came when the label "replaced a photo of Lily Allen with one of Katy Perry" in its office main lobby.
Ha ha ha!!!!!
Lily is starting to look like washed-up goods.
The only thing that can save Allen now???? If she makes a good sophomore album!
But, from what we're hearing, Lily's new material s-u-c-k-s.

Oh you've got to read on. This is a long one.

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Perez Hilton is a bigtime blogger and self-titled "Queen of All Media" who is now going to be a designer of clothes.

On Tuesday, Perez announced plans to introduce a clothing and accessories line, to be sold exclusively at Hottopic.com and in all Hot Topic stores nationwide.

Perez Hilton for Hot Topic will feature women's t-shirts, hoodies, accessories and footwear. Hilton, who's real name is Mario Lavandeira, said the decision to put his name behind a line of clothing and accessories seemed like a natural next step.

"2008 is all about expanding the Perez Brand," the blogger explained. "I talk about clothes all the time on my website. I have a good eye for what's hot and what's not."

Perez, who says his celebrity website, Perezhilton.com, is more popular than MySpace among women aged 18-25, said he can't wait to share his new line with fans.

Hilton's site has reached remarkable heights as a "go-to" for celebrity gossip, despite a consistency of snarky comments and crude drawings he is famous for inserting over photos of prominent and some not-so-prominent celebrities.

Source

I don't get why he's so amazing and Patrice and I still struggle in the blogging world. Seriously, what's this guy got that we don't? I can write and Patrice would have an amazing television show. He's really just like a lame version of her and I combined.

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Seriously, this is so incredibly stupid that I'm in shock. Perez Hilton claims he had a make-out session with John Mayer. Bwahahaha! I hated John for dating my old fake-girlfriend Jessica Simpson, but this story is ridiculous. Read on...

"He is definitely bi," Hilton declared on Ryan Seacrest's KIIS-FM radio show, adding that Mayer is "struggling with his sexuality."

Of their liplock at NYC club Stereo last year, Hilton said, "He kissed me, and I kissed him back. It was on the mouth with tongue.

"I thought he was messing with me," Hilton went on. "Then he kept going and going."

Hilton claims Jessica Simpson - Mayer's girlfriend at the time - didn't mind.

"While John Mayer and I are making out, she is rubbing his crotch," Hilton recalled.

Source

Now sure, Perez is just like me in that we blog and ummm....he's fatter, uglier, meaner, and replace my love of breasts for his love of penis. Okay, we're totally different. Now we're supposed to believe that Sir Grossness was getting the tongue action from John while Jessica was rubbing John's package? Riiiight! And then Perez woke up with wet sheets.

The only thing this made-up story of Perez's lacks is Patrick Dempsey licking Perez's anus at the same time that Chuck Norris is sitting in the corner whacking off. How stupid.

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Johnny Depp getting married? (I'm Not Obsessed)

Lucy Pinder for a Friday (HollywoodTuna)

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